Screenplay and Feedbacks! (Planning)

Planning it out

Me and my partner came up with many stories for our production, we already knew the theme and what meaning we wanted to carry. However, we did not know how to carry it out. After researching about many films, we finally came up with this storyline. Of course, it is very simplified but it helped guide me to write the screenplay.

The general idea we had (shared on a word doc.)

First draft

Originally the ending

Feedbacks

After I finished the first drafts, I went around asking people (classmates, friends... family) what they thought of the script and what should I reconsider. 

My main criticism was the length of it. It was originally going to end with Lucille (the next morning) cleaning up her kitchen, however, it was going to be difficult to fit the entirety in just two minutes. So! I decided to shortened my script, and cut that section entirely. Now, I plan on having it end roughly either during the end of their conversation OR Lucille leading Steve away.. somewhere

Another was how the tone was a bit unclear.. the horror aspects came too late (simply used as a shock factor), so on my rewrite, I focused more on building up the horror subtly. 

Final (?) Draft

Revised Version

In conclusion, I am now satisified with the script, finally. However, I have learnt to be open to changes throughout production and have a flexible mindset. Especially in the future during filming, the script may have to be rewritten onset so its best to take note of that.